Thursday, January 21, 2010


Well a lot has been going on lately. Overall life is amazing. This second year of marriage has been amazing so far and we are so happy with life and each other. We are blessed with so many things in our lives.
A few months ago I went to the doctor for my tail bone issues. The doctor read through my old mri and asked if I had ever done anything about the seven inch cyst on my ovary. That was news to me so I went to the gyno who said most likely it was gone since it has been a year but that we will do a ultrasound to check. Well I got the ultrasound and when I left the office I had the worst feeling I have ever had leaving a doctors office. I called and told Cliff and hoped I was wrong. Well the next day I got a call and was asked to come right in. The cyst was still there taking up my whole ovary and possibly wrapping around my felopian tube. There was another cycst in the other ovary that was small 1.5 inches but was a solid mass and not a typical cyst. I know cyst are common but the doctors were worried becuase of the size of the big one and the cancer prospects of the small one. We waited six weeks had another ultrasound and the large one was the same, the smaller one had grown double it's size. The doctor gave to options...1: get the cyst removed with a high potential of loosing my ovary/ovaries and possibly my felopian tubes or two wait three months try to get pregant and see what happens. They said they dont know if the ovaries are even functioning. I asked if I should harvest eggs first and he said that the drugs they give you will stimulate the growth of the cyst and if it is not wrapped around the felopian tube it could easily become. I have a great friend in our ward whose doctor is a gyno. We went to him for a second opinion. He was a lot more optomistic and said there is only a slight chance that I will loose anything else other than the cyst. That was such a relief, he was great. He said there still is a chance of cancer since they have not biopsied the cyst yet, bloodwork said it was not cancer, but he says it could still be. He said if we get pregnant before the surgery then I could end up having to have surgery while pregnant. Cliff and I opted to have the surgery, it was scheduled for feb.8th and I just found out that they cannot get the machine they need until March 24th.
I have been fine with this all until the past two days. Cliff and I want children, I have lived my life to prepare to be a mom. I have so many things against me when it comes to having my own children. I am 34 I know that is not really old but it is higher risk, I have all these cyst and possible other issues, and my uterus is tilted making it harder to get pregnant. We have tried and nothing. I know we will have children but the thought of going through fertility treatments or only being able to have children through adoption is heart breaking. I cant imagine, and hope I don't have to, how women deal with not being able to have children. Never seeing your child a few of your features, knowing you created a life, that is tragic. Cliff and I are planning on going through the temple and getting sealed in the next few months and I feel like after that we will be able to have our babies. I pray that feeling comes to pass. We need our babies!